reinvention

My mother, Josefina Quisumbing Ramilo, died on Thursday, 11 June 2009, at around 9:00 PM. She was at home, surrounded by my sisters and others who cared for her; they were praying the rosary when she passed away, peacefully. She was 86. Her passing was not unexpected; she had been very unwell for more than a year. But it was so sad still, when Diding left us.

She was a teacher for most of her life. And she was a good teacher, especially to me.

When Jang, my elder sister, called me at around 12:50 AM (Darwin time), Friday, 12th June, to tell me Mama had passed away, I was typing away on the computer. I often worked late into the night. So did Mama. She was working all the time for as long as I can remember. She was always up to something somewhere: I remember Rizal Stadium where she shot arrows or did folk dancing; and Philippine Women’s University where she was a Masters student; and Meycauayan where she would get jewelry that she sold; or Pasig or Manila where she gave seminars; and Saint Joseph’s College where she worked for so many, many years and where she was known as Mommy. She taught me the importance of working hard and working well.

These past weeks, I have taken to playing a few bars of music on the keyboard a few minutes a day, everyday, mainly for my mental health. I don’t play the keyboard well; I should’ve learned to do it well when I had a chance many years ago. Mama wanted me to learn piano when I was a boy but I was too unruly and lazy for that; I learned guitar instead, but I am still trying to learn to play that properly. I did learn enough to make noises I liked, and to write some tunes; I am still learning. Mama taught me to love, to play, and to make music, and to keep learning how.

On my way home from Darwin, having a late dinner of coconut rice, dilis, and chilli paste at Changi Airport in Singapore, I realised how I liked trying all kinds of food since childhood. I remembered how Mama would tell me to eat anything placed at the table, and to eat what I put on my plate, to respect and not waste food, to savour different flavours. I remember the joy of first eating chilli con carne with curry powder, raw red onions, and patis – this is how Mama cooked it, so this is how chilli con carne should be. She taught me how to eat – but unfortunately, not how to cook.

At home, finally, with my sisters, I remember how strong they are, and how grateful I am that they have cared for Mama, and Papa, in their twilight years while I lived far away and was not very useful. I remember how well my sisters have done in their lives, because of their talent and their hard work, and because they met many challenges head on, with much optimism and as much good humour as possible. My sisters are strong women, daughters of a strong woman, who taught me that women can and do make and keep and run the world.

I was and still am, sometimes, a man only a mother could love. I always knew and I still know that she would love me no matter what. I don’t know if I can love like that. But great teacher that Mama was, in her memory and with her inspiration, maybe I will learn how to do this too.

Darwin, Singapore, Manila
14-15 June 2009