reinvention

Its been two years since Papa died, and two years since I posted anything on this blog. Many things have happened in the last two years. I had planned to uproot Diday and the kids to Manila to stay with Papa and Mama and to work as a geek for two Australian Internet businesses; we had packed up some of our things and actually sent some over to Manila, I was looking into schooling for the kids, where we would stay, etc. That didn’t happen; Papa died before we could finalise the move so the main reason for moving to Manila went away. Also, one Internet business I was to work for decided they don’t want me Manila-based after all, which made the move financially non-viable. So we’re still in Darwin. I work for a community arts organisation now; I started as Executive Officer of Brown’s Mart Community Arts in December 2006, and I’m still there. Moving back to community arts was deliberate; I was looking for more meaningful work and found this. Its very stressful and it is part of the millieu that I tried to get away from (”the arts” in Darwin) when I decided to work as a geek full-time in 2002, but it is more meaningful than my previous job. A problem is that the stress of work creates stress at home, so I am forever tired and grumpy and the kids and Diday don’t enjoy that. I think more and more these days that I should prioritise family more and more, that maybe work that is meaningful but that makes me too tired and grumpy to be a good father is not meaningful after all. I think of Papa often and I wish I had been a better son to him. I don’t know if he was that good a father or not, but he was a good father to me. I never doubted he loved me. If only my children can say that of me when I’m gone. I miss Papa so much.